How to Do Something Different
Five experiments for rewriting the relationship stories you've inherited
One of the biggest lessons I’ve continually learned over the past handful of years is that most of us aren’t consciously choosing how we relate to other people.
We’re merely reenacting.
The stories we absorbed about love, conflict, gender, intimacy, worthiness, and belonging become so familiar that they feel like reality.
Until something interrupts them.
That’s why we called the new relationship lab we’re co-creating DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Because insight rarely changes our lives.
Practice does.
Here are five small experiments I’ve been practicing that I’d be curious to hear if you might be interested in trying them too.
1. Trade certainty for curiosity.
The next time you catch yourself thinking:
“They’re ignoring me.”
“They don’t care.”
“Men always...”
“Women never...”
Pause.
Ask yourself:
What story am I telling?
Then ask:
What else might be true?
Curiosity doesn’t eliminate discernment. It simply creates enough space for reality to surprise you.
2. Notice when you’re relating to the past instead of the person.
One of my favorite questions is:
Who am I talking to right now?
Is it actually the person in front of you?
Or are you talking to your father?
Your ex?
Your middle school bully?
The teacher who embarrassed you?
Trauma has a way of collapsing time. Healing gently pulls us back into the present.
3. Try one response your nervous system doesn’t expect.
Our brains love efficiency. They also love repetition. That’s wonderful when we’re brushing our teeth. Less wonderful when we’re recreating the same conflict for the fifteenth time.
This week, choose one moment to do something different.
Instead of defending... ask a question.
Instead of fixing... listen.
Instead of sending the fourth text ... go for a walk.
Instead of withdrawing... say, “I’m overwhelmed and need a little time.”
Tiny interruptions change entire patterns.
4. Expand the story.
One of the simplest ways I’ve found to build compassion is this sentence:
Both can be true.
Someone can have hurt you... and still be deeply hurting themselves.
You can love someone... and decide not to continue the relationship.
A person can disappoint you... without becoming entirely disappointing.
Complexity isn’t confusion. It’s maturity.
5. Practice imagining a different future.
Creativity isn’t just something that happens on a canvas. It’s our ability to imagine beyond the stories we’ve inherited.
Every healthy relationship I’ve built began with one creative act: The willingness to believe another way of relating might be possible.
That’s true with partners. Friends. Family. And especially ourselves.
The future doesn’t appear because we finally understand everything. It begins the moment we practice something different.
Do Something Different This Week
Choose just one. Not five. One.
Relationships rarely change through dramatic breakthroughs.
Relationships change through hundreds of tiny moments when we interrupt an old story long enough to create a new one.
P.S.
If these experiments resonated with you, they’re exactly the kinds of practices we’ll be exploring together inside DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Not because we’re trying to become perfect partners, friends, parents, or communicators.
But because every healthy relationship is built through practice. And sometimes the smallest experiment can change an entire life.
This Week’s Creative Reset
Before your head hits the pillow tonight, ask yourself:
Where did I do something different this week?
Even if the answer is incredibly small. Especially if it’s incredibly small.
That’s how new ways of relating become new ways of creating the life we truly want to be living.
Hi, I’m Bowie 👋🏼
I write about creativity, relationships, psychology, and reinvention — and how we stop surviving and start participating in our lives again.
If this essay resonated, consider subscribing. New essays arrive every Tuesday, with practical guides every Friday. I’m currently practicing taking the last week of every month off to rest since it’s an essential practice for sustaining my creativity.
Reply here or send me a message on Instagram @bowierowie if you’d like to learn more about the Creative Reset Studio — Founding Membership or DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT: A Relationship Lab, both opening this summer.